roobix asked: You meet a wizard in downtown Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, "I will now make them a dollar more attractive." He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But--somehow--this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can't deny that this person is vaguely sexier. This wizard has a weird rule, though--you can only pay him once. You can't keep giving him money until you're satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.

How much cash do you give the wizard?

(I can't take credit for this, unfortunately. Credit goes to Chuck Klosterman.)

A good, solid one hundred dollars. I haven’t been thinking very highly of myself in that respect for a while now. I feel like I need all the help I can get. I probably shouldn’t admit this on my blog.

Anonymous asked: Where are you intern-ing at?

An online financial news network. I edit video segments and upload them to YouTube. I also buy a breakfast sandwich every morning and use the brown paper bag to make a silly hat or mask.

Anonymous asked: If you could take over any country in the world, which one would you choose?

AMSTERDAM, BRUH

Anonymous asked: do people ever recognize you?

It has taken me so long to answer this question because I feel like a douchebag answering it.

But, yeah. A couple of times.

I should clarify that the only people that have recognized me are friends of friends who have seen my videos before meeting me. I’ve never had some random person walk up to me and go “hey do you make youtube movies?”

After high school, I stuck around and got jobs and lived in my mom’s house and made videos. A couple friends of mine who had not yet graduated spread the news of my videos to my alma mater (lol), and they sort of caught on. If only high school kids thought I was cool WHILE I was a high school student! I shake my fist like an old man at the notion.

SO ANYWAY, it’s 2008 and I’m standing outside of my house waiting for the carpool to pick me up. Some high school kid in his car slows down, rolls down his window and shouts “Hey! I like your YouTube movies!”

It was such a nice thing. It still makes me feel good.

Another time, while visiting home for a few weeks in the summer, I was walking to 7-11 when a group of maybe five kids stop and wave to me from across the street and yell “Hi Robot Riley!”

So silly.

burnla asked: k so I fully expect to see you on SNL someday
then i can be a total fucking hipster about it like "WE LIKED HIM BACK WHEN HE WAS ROBOT RILEY DOING MUSTACHE WATER ON YOUTUBE"
also east bay, represent

Word up!

Anonymous asked: you should cut your hair shorter, to how it was before... no question, just do it

In general, I agree with you. But give me an example. I’ve had varying degrees of short hair. I’ve had it buzzed pretty short, but I don’t like that. I have a funny shaped head.

The last few short haircuts I’ve gotten have been pretty short everywhere but in the front, and it does a little flippy up there.

I’m open to more constructive criticism.