Assembled in The East Bay of California.
Operating in Brooklyn.

Red hair. Sort of tall.

-I do comedy at the UCB Theatre in NYC, which is fun.
-My YouTube Page holds some videos I'm pretty fond of.
-My Twitter account belongs on most "essential following" lists.

26th January 2012

Post with 9 notes

Please Don’t Make A Big Deal Out Of My Birthday (But Please Do Buy Me These Things)

Hello. My name is Riley. Today is January 26, 2012. That means that for the first time ever, I am 24 years old. I feel lucky and I’m thankful for many things. I don’t expect a present from you and I am totally at peace with that.

BUT IF YOU INSIST! Yesterday on Twitter I began listing the snack foods I would graciously accept as birthday presents. You see, I don’t really eat enough food. But if you handed me one of my favorite foods today, I’d probably eat it right there in front of you. Here is that list, all in one place, for you to read and reference if you happen to find yourself in a grocery store today.

  • Mandarin oranges.
  • White cheddar popcorn.
  • Granny smith apples.
  • Sour patch kids.
  • Haribo candy.
  • Doritos.
  • Nacho cheese Corn Nuts.
  • Sunflower seeds.
  • Beef jerky.
  • Salt and vinegar Kettle Chips.
  • Pickles.
  • Fruit roll-ups.
  • Caramel dipped apple lollipops.
  • Pistachios.
  • Fresh berries of ALL KINDS. Raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries.
  • Wasabi peas.
  • Slim Jims.
  • Zotz.
  • Nori.
  • Chex Mix.
  • Moon pies.
  • Rosemary & olive oil Triscuits.
  • Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.
  • Tootsie Rolls.
  • Trader Joes macaroni and cheese balls.
  • Jalapeño stuffed green olives.
  1. zzbaby said: you left off Cry Baby Tears
  2. joestanton reblogged this from robotriley and added:
    bet your intestines work fine.
  3. robotriley posted this